Monday, September 8, 2014

Tough Topics: On heartbreak


I have often wondered: why is calling someone a heartbreaker a quasi-compliment?  Referring to someone that way is often expressed with reverence.  We hate the heartbreak, but we admire the heartbreaker.  Is it that we're in awe of those who have the ability to inflict that specific type of pain on someone else?  Maybe the title has some kind of implied strength.  But all it suggests to me is cowardice and a lack of honesty.  The reason I wanted to write more on my blog was to be more honest; this post is about as candid as I could possibly get in a public forum.  Read on if you're interested in something other than a fanciful outfit post this morning.


It's officially been a year since the person I considered to be the love of my life broke my heart.  I'd had my heart broken by other careless boys before, but those small pains paled in comparison to this.  This one hurt.  It still hurts -- much more than I would care to admit.  We talked about our future in terms of "when," not "if."  We spoke about marriage so often that he had vintage wedding ring websites bookmarked.  We devoted an entire road trip to figuring out the names of our hypothetical children.  So what do you do when you still haven't fully accepted that everything you envisioned for your future is just gone?

This is something that's always on my mind on some level, and it's also right on the surface for me -- so much so that it can make me cry at the drop of a hat.  I don't want to be accused of bad-mouthing him (though he may deserve it) or be ridiculed for holding on when I should let go.  I know that I absolutely should, and I beat myself up a lot for not being over it.  There's an old adage (or is it a quote from Sex and the City?) that says it takes half the time you were with someone to get over him.  If that's true, I guess I have another six months to go.  But I have a hard time putting an expiration date on grief at all.  Everyone mourns in his or her own way, on his or her own time table.  As much as I sometimes wish I could, I cannot simply make myself get over it and move on.  I'm an impatient person by nature, and even though I know that time heals all wounds, there is a part of me that wishes I could have moved on as quickly as he did.  But there is another part -- a much bigger part -- of me that realizes that I'd rather be deeply affected by our breakup than pretend our relationship never even existed.


I really didn't intend on writing about this.  I was hoping to not have to commemorate our breakup with a post like some weird, twisted anniversary.  But then I start to wonder why it's socially acceptable to openly mourn the death of a loved one, and yet we're all in such a hurry to get over the person who, at one time, meant more to us than any other.  For all intents and purposes, a breakup is a death, and this one has always felt especially so because of its complete and utter finality.  I feel haunted by the ghost of what our relationship once was, and of the person who -- very suddenly and without any subsequent closure -- removed himself from my life.  He moved on way too quickly with a girl who is my exact physical opposite in every way.  (I don't think it can be considered a rebound when they're still together.)  I'm not proud of the jealous and unattractive version of myself that comes out when I think about her or when I've seen her photos.  Sometimes I feel as if the only way I can gain some semblance of control is to snark on her to anyone who will listen.  And I hate that.  It's not her fault that he hurt me, but I have to admit (and please don't judge me too harshly here) that it makes me feel better to hear superficial, positive things about myself, and negative ones about her.  My ex did such a number on my self-esteem that it's hard not to want to hear that I'm prettier than her or am otherwise superior to her.  And it's hard to reconcile the fact that my ex always made me feel so attractive during our relationship with the fact that he did a complete 180, told his friends that I got fat, and immediately started dating a girl that he would have formerly found physically repugnant.  According to a mutual friend, the boy that I knew and loved is basically gone; he's apparently a totally different person now.  It makes me wonder if I ever knew him to begin with (or, that old chestnut, whether we can really know anyone), or if he really knows himself.  And if everything I thought we had was built on a lie.  It's a painful idea to have to entertain.

That same friend told me that it was almost as if my ex committed a crime and walked away scot-free, while I'm stuck doing the time.  I do feel as if I were framed sometimes.  I was blamed for everything and he got to start a completely new life, without a second thought, without ever taking any responsibility, and without ever looking back.  And I'm still not sure how to pick up the pieces.  I know I am the only one who can decide to not be held prisoner by my circumstances, but that proves to be easier said than done.  I fully acknowledge the mistakes I made, and I am constantly working on ways I can improve myself.  But even with my faults, I still deserved an ending that was indicative of the special and loving relationship I always believed we had.  Or, barring that, I deserved an ending that was at least respectful.  I am fully aware that breakups are never pleasant.  They are rarely mutual, and in this situation, ours was always going to be painful.  But after three years, I deserved more than a cold-hearted phone call from 400 miles away.  I deserved better than to be blocked on social media and erased from memory.  I deserved some semblance of closure.  Ultimately, I guess it's up to me to create my own closure.  He essentially refused to provide that for me at the time, and I don't think I'll ever get it from him.  I can't let anything he does (or doesn't do) continue to affect my life.  And maybe that's one of the hardest things to come to terms with -- that our lives are no longer intertwined.  I'm still mourning the future with him that I'll never have.


I think heartbreak is one of the most awful conditions that we as human beings have to endure.  In my experience, it's far worse than physical injury.  I wouldn't wish it on anyone.  And if you're currently experiencing it, please know how sorry I am.  There's really nothing anything that anyone can say to take away the hurt.  You just have to surround yourself with as much love -- the unconditional kind -- as you can.  I still miss him every day.  Some nights, I still cry myself to sleep.  I dream of him often.  I wish I were in a place where I could get past it.  I'll get there at some point, but in the meantime, I am where I am.  I'm trying to live in the present, and I'm trying to not be so hard on myself for not being as over it as I "should" be.  I don't want to dwell, which is why I mostly focus on the positive on my blog.  I'm probably pretty skilled at faking it in real life (I'm guess that theatre degree comes in handy), but sometimes, it's more that I simply want to feel happy and therefore, I try really hard to find the joy.  And 9 times out of 10, I find it.  But once and a while, I just need to let myself feel the sadness, because it's there.  I can't deny the way I'm feeling, and I don't think I should have to.  I can't please everyone all the time.  My obligation at this point is to be honest with myself, and to make progress at my own pace.  Healing a broken heart takes a lot longer than a broken bone; it's not like you can slap a cast on it, and in this case, relying on a crutch is counterproductive.  All I can do is be kind to myself, be in tune with what I need more or less of, and take stock of all the good things in my life.  And cling to the hope that, despite (or perhaps because of) all that has happened, things will turn out for the best in the end.


Thank you for listening.
xox Sammi      

46 comments:

  1. I'm so sorry for what you've been through and are still going through. I broke up with my long-term boyfriend about a month ago, and it totally destroyed me. I rebounded very hard and went a bit off the rails afterwards, which only made things worse. I still feel I belong to him in some way. I guess you could say it was a mutual break-up, and I'm lucky in that I've never seen photos of him now, and I have no idea what he's doing, so I'm not constantly reminded. But I still love him and dream of him and wake up in agony. You're not alone.

    No one really gets off scot-free with anything. Karma is a bitch. Keep your head up. Focus on you and doing things that make you happy. It will get better. xooxooxoxoxox

    The Persephone Complex

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    1. I'm so sorry to hear about your situation, and thank you for your comment (and for reminding me I'm not alone)!

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  2. Hey Sammi, you know, sometimes it's okay to be sad. There's no prescribed amount of time you need to get over mourning something (and mourning usually follows the death of any relationship so it's understandable).

    I had someone like you did, he cut me off completely after we broke up and I felt like I didn't have any closure to hang onto, but the thing was, that showed me his true colours and that's the part that gave me closure. And I didn't want to be with a person like that. I learn, adapt, and change after each relationship. Your ex probably changed after he left you, and you probably wouldn't love the person he is anymore anyways.

    I'm going through a break-up, currently. I've been with this guy for a year and we broke up less than a week ago. It's heartbreaking, this feeling of being alone, truly alone, alone in a sense where they were your best friend and you don't really go anywhere anymore with other friends because they're all in different stages of life to you (broke, and studying hard in uni, whereas I am neither of those things). It's tough, but you keep yourself busy and you move on eventually. Always, just eventually.

    My best shot of getting over relationships is usually to force myself out, to meet other people. Go on as many dates as you can, have fun, explore your life and learn from other people's lives. The heart isn't a cup that can be filled, it's something that expands and grows as you find people to love, and there are definitely people out there who will be worthy of your love and vice versa.

    And if your affections are rebuffed? So what. Always, always think about it this way: You don't want to be with a person who doesn't want to be with you. Even if you are convinced that there exists nobody in this world who matches a person's "perfection", that is one critical flaw that you should never consciously overlook.

    You deserve to be loved - deeply, strongly, and completely. No less than the love that you are capable of giving. Don't forget it. You'll be okay, I promise. Chin up :)

    Demi | carbonchic.com.au

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    1. Demi - thank you so much for your thoughtful comment. Your words really mean so much to me. I'm so sorry you're currently going through a break-up. Keeping busy is definitely key, and I do need to force myself to be more social, etc. And I've always said that I never want to be w/someone who doesn't want to be with me, so you are absolutely right. :)

      xox Sammi

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  3. Time may supposedly heal all wounds, but that doesn't mean there's still going to be a scar left behind that's a huge memory of what you've been through. I'm really applauding you for writing about this--that, too, can be a big helper in putting your mind at ease, even if you think you're not solving anything by writing through it. I like that bit about breaking up being a death. I think that's very true. You have a connection with a loved one and it snaps and yeah, that's going to affect you and feel like the equivalent of a death, especially since you know they're still out there and existing in the world. I think it could even be worse than a literal death, but I don't want to prod too much on that.

    You are the loveliest lady, and I know that you'll find someone out there who truly appreciates you for who you are--keep on writing and keep on being the amazing soul that you are. We all love you here! You're incredible and I love you, okay? Keep yourself busy with blogging and writing and just being the lovely lady you are. <3

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    1. You're absolutely right about the scar being left behind. Thank you for being such a wonderful friend, dear Ali! Love you right back!

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  4. This post is so beautiful and I'm really glad you're feeling brave and level-headed enough to be able to write about it like this! That alone must indicate a level of "moving on", I think. You're being honest and just working through it, which is really refreshing to read on a personal blog nowadays. <3

    My relationship is going strong, but it's my biggest fear to experience something like this. My boyfriend and I have such intertwined lives at this point and have become so crucial to eachother, I can't even imagine how devastating it would be to have that all just go away. I don't even know how I would cope! I'd have to become a different person just to survive happily. You've gone through that now--imagine what a strong, fierce bitch you're becoming! To walk through emotional fire like that and build a new life is incredible and one day you'll be able to look back and feel really proud of it. xo

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    1. Michelle, thank you for your sweet comment. I think you're right -- this post is sort of serving as a way for me to heal. This comment really made me smile <3

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  5. This post made me feel so sad - what happened to you is just beyond excusable. And yet it's not like we don't all know someone who's been through something painfully similar. Including ourselves in some cases. It does feel like a death when the future we thought we had is ripped away from us like that. There's no other way I can think to describe it either. I can't claim I've had your exact experience, but enough that were close to know a bit of what you're still feeling daily. I think each heartbreak we have lives with us forever, even if you end up happy with someone else. The ways they chip away at you are so hard on your self esteem. And the worst thing is the lack of control over it. But what I would say is that there's something to be taken from every time our lives are torn apart from this - we'd rather never experience it at all, but usually there's something to be learned. Even if that's just to learn to be happy as much as we can while we heal - that's still a huge achievement. It's clear to me you're gorgeous and this is one of those things that says more about him than you. This has turned into a bit of a ramble, but I wanted to say I get it and that I truly hope and think it won't mean this much to you one day. That's the most realistic and promising thing I think I can say. CC x

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    1. CiCi -- thank you so much for your comment. That's very much how I feel about most of my life experiences (especially the tragic ones) -- that they may not have happened for a reason, but it's our responsibility to learn and grow from them.

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  6. You're right...if you're sad, BE sad. You can't deny it. I agree that heartbreak is one of the worst feelings/pains there is. I got broken up with via letter after a 4 1/2 year relationship. He came over, ate something, and then left. He texted me to tell me that he left a letter under my mousepad, then he SHUT OFF HIS PHONE. I was devastated, angry, and hurt and I cried all the time and didn't eat for like a week. I felt that it was a slap in the face when I had done nothing wrong. The truth of the matter is that we simply grew apart, romantically. We actually remained friends after a few months of ignoring each other and are on great terms! We have a lot of the same friends and I had started dating my current boyfriend. I think that even though it hurt a lot, it was meant to be and it led me to someone better for me. Try to focus on that. It happened for a reason and the reason is that you will find someone better.

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    1. Oh my god! I'm so sorry to hear about that. I had a similar thing happen w/my high school boyfriend (he broke up with me by changing his relationship status on Facebook, then denied it, and then broke up with me via text), and now we are friends again. Amazing how time can change your perspective. And it absolutely did lead you to someone better for you, so I hope that will also be the case with me :)

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  7. grieve heartbreak is too painful, but ultimately shows our strength and after that cocoon of pain can become a beautiful butterfly and full of life, reaching a metamorphosis that will make us better people, but still blessed with a early break, is that we realize the monster we had by our side, long before you built a life, a family and a society, which often happens to women after years of marriage, and I know that someday when there will your heart completely healed, life will return you more, a man worthy of you, someone who sees beyond your being, and love you completely.
    All the good vibes for you dear,<3

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  8. When you're with someone for so long and a bomb like that is dropped on you.. it's really going to take a long time to move on from that. It's understandable. You weren't given a warning compared to the other person. That's not really fair.

    I've only had one horrible heartbreak and it had changed me. I never knew a person could feel that much hurt before and it's the worst feeling to experience. A physical injury can go away but this can linger on. It took me so long to get back to myself after that.

    It's okay to feel sad and get in one of the moods.. just let yourself do that then pick yourself up. Focus on having fun and making new memories by yourself + with friends!

    If you weren't given a way to get closure, then I hope you can give it to yourself in time. You deserve to be happy and to be move to better things and a new future. ♥

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  9. It's true what you said that time will make it feel better but don't let anyone make you feel bad about still not being over it. You were together a really long time. I don't know what I'd do if that happened to me now. I had a 2 year high school thing a long time ago and I remember how that hurt and how abruptly it ended. It sounds like your ex was not mature and hadn't actually grown up. It's not your fault he's a jerk. You'll get past this and find someone who is actually grown up and appreciates you.

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  10. I'm so sorry, I know its tough! Love isn't easy, but sometimes its worth the fight! You'll just need to wait for your battle, and I promise it'll be worth it! :)

    http://abeautifulheart07.blogspot.com/

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  11. Time helps heal wounds and heartbreak, the sting of betrayal and loss, and the bitter aftertaste of having your dreams dashed in an instant, but it doesn't unto what has been done unfortunately. Your friend's analogies are spot on. The innocent party in a situation like this really has had a crime committed against them, only one that can almost never have actual charges brought against the party who committed - if, mind you, one would want to. Sometimes when you've just been incredibly hurt, all you want to do is put as much distance between you and your emotional perpetrator as possible.

    I don't know if I buy the theory that it takes half the time you were with someone to get over them. Each relationship is different and in a way, we never really, entirely get over certain pains and heartbreaks. We just grow and move forward, like flowers reaching towards the sun, refusing to be held down in the face of hostile memories and the scars that form so as to allow us to love again one day.

    ♥ Jessica

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    1. Thank you for your sweet comment, dear Jessica. I don't know if I buy that theory either, and I think you're right -- I may never be completely over what happened, but at least I will eventually be at a happy, fulfilled place and can open myself up to love again in the future.

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  12. Just... *hugs* I'm so sorry I don't have any words, other than ~ hang in there. You can survive this. ♡♡♡

    xox,
    bonita of Lavender & Twill

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  13. I agree with Jessica, that time does indeed help in healing. And I can only wish you all the best as you continue to move forward with your life.

    I also want to congratulate you on your ability to be so candid with us, your readers.

    Sending well wishes your way!
    xoxo
    -Janey

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    1. Thank you so much, Janey. And that means a lot coming from you!

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  14. Hi Sammi,

    I'm so sorry to hear about your heartbreak and that it still hurts. I think it's totally okay to take more time to grieve and to feel pain if you need to. We can't always tell our hearts when to feel okay, huh? I still have painful memories of the last man I dated before marrying my husband and sometimes it still feels like a boulder being dropped on my chest when I think of how things ended and I remember all the broken promises. I love my husband SO SO much and in some ways, his love for me totally eclipses all the hurt and pain because i truly believe his love is more powerful than any hurt I've experienced, but it still doesn't change the fact that those experiences and broken promises really did a number on me, and I think it's normal and healthy to grieve them out every now and then.

    Thank you for being so brave and honest! You are lovely and beautiful and special and so talented! Your face and cute posts brighten up my feed every day and I'm super happy we have connected and are getting to know each other more. <3 :) I love you!

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    1. Jenny -- thank you so much for your comment and for sharing that with me. It makes me feel so much less alone (though I wish you hadn't had to go through something so painful!). It gives me hope to know there have been other wonderful and lovely girls (like you!) who have gone through such pain and loss, and found strength and love on the other side. <3

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  15. This is so beautifully written. You are so incredibly strong. Hang in there, because you are doing everything right and there is absolutely no time limit on getting over a broken heart. Just know that we all love you and are here for you always! ♡

    xo Sarah
    http://www.thepetitepixie.com/

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  16. I'm sorry this is been torturing you for so long. I hope that you can find closure with the situation without his help.

    The way he broke things off gave you no chance to get over things quickly, and it's totally cool to let it out. Just focus on you instead. :)

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  17. I've been through some rough breakups, but nothing like this. That is just so harsh, and I'm so sorry that you were treated this way. Of course it's going to take a while to get over something like this - when you're really deeply involved with someone, and starting to plan a life together, and all of a sudden they're just gone, there's no way to deal with that, or prepare for it. This guy sounds like a grade-A asshole, and it's just too bad (for you) that he did such a good job of hiding it for so long.

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    1. Thank you for your comment, Jessica. Very valid point re: hiding it. He was always the sweetest person to me, and then perhaps he revealed his true colors in the end. I suppose it's ultimately better I found that out when I did!

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  18. Wow. You absolutely deserve so, so much better than that. It's so hard to reconcile when love and hate come wrapped together inseparably in one package. All those horrible, hurtful things he's said to others sound like something he's trying to convince himself of. Like he's trying to convince himself he's right by making excuses, by making things your fault or your problem, by not even giving you the courtesy of closure.

    I can't say that I have been there exactly, but I've experienced pieces of it. And even pieces of it are no fun. I've had an ex cut me out of his life, pretend I never existed, blocked and ignored me. After telling me everything was my fault and that he was tired of me "using" him (for what, I'm still not sure). I think that hurt is so powerful. Like I said, different situation - I had broken up with this ex, but we had agreed to remain friends and I had always done everything I could to encourage him, build him up, and I believed in him, when no one else did. And my repayment was to be cut off forever, with him getting in the last words, all blame and all a 180 degree turn from everything he had said and been before. I had dreams for something like three YEARS where I would try my best to get closure, to tell him how he had been selfish, wanting him to just admit to being wrong. And even in my dreams he would convince me everything was okay, or be walking in a different direction, forever just out of my reach.

    It took years to move past that hurt. Looking back, I'm pretty sure it was all in the name of self-delusion. But it takes a very, very long time for the heart to catch up with the head. And I still get angry when I think about my ex.

    I say all of this because it's the closest thing I can offer to relating. And I know that you're the strong one - you're the one who didn't just box up three years of your life and drop it down a well.

    I honestly have no respect for anyone who could do something like what your ex has done or what my ex did. It's beyond callous - it's cruel and fake and so beyond disrespectful.

    You're the smart one. You're the strong one. The one who is able to accept that you were in a relationship, that you did have strong feelings, that you still have strong feelings (though the nature of them has evolved, undoubtedly). You're the one who is brave enough to be vulnerable, to openly share your pain and experiences. He's a complete coward for hiding, for pretending, and for deluding himself and trying to delude others. It's a cop out and somewhere in the back of his mind, he knows it. He's only fooling himself and probably just barely.

    Have you listened to Brene Brown's TED Talk on the power of vulnerability? My friend shared it with me a while ago and I think it's the best talk I've ever listened to. No joke. Just thought of it since it seems rather relevant to your post - the strongest people are the ones who are willing to be vulnerable. And you're one of them, Sammi!

    https://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability

    Sorry for a bit of a scattered comment - it's 5:20am and I haven't gone to sleep yet (oops)! But I think you're so brave for sharing this. Thank you for sharing your vulnerability - I know there are a lot of people out there who need it, to remember that none of us are alone in these feelings.

    Hugs! <3

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    1. Kelsea -- I tried to reply and it didn't save, so I'm trying again. Thank you so much for your incredibly thoughtful and kind comment. It's actually scary how right on the money you are about him, without ever having met him. So much of what you said is almost word-for-word what his best friend said about the situation. And I haven't listened to that TED talk, but wow, sounds right up my alley!! My last wordy post was actually all about the power of vulnerability, so I'm SO glad you suggested it! I'll have to listen once I'm not at work :)

      xox Sammi

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  19. P.S. The last time I went through a break-up, I made lots of art (taking tips from Jenny and Aaron of Everyday Is a Holiday's art journaling tips). I tend to make art for a purpose - functional projects, or things to sell. But art journaling was all for me. Anything I wanted, any mood, any color scheme, any thing. If it turned out horribly, I just turned the page and started fresh. It was so free-ing, making something that had no purpose other than just to be created. Anyway, I don't know if art / art journaling is your thing, but I just wanted to share, as I think it really helped me a lot. That and reading. A lot! :)

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  20. Sammi, I think it is so beautiful of you to open your heart up to us like this. Personal posts are often so hard to write, and to do so with such honesty and feeling can't have been an easy feat. You are so right about everything you've said, and I wish you all the love and happiness that the world can hold.

    I think the best advice I've ever gotten on the hurt in life is to allow yourself to feel it. So often people tell us to keep busy, keep surrounded, keep smiling, but forget that we do need to actually feel, cry, grieve, and ache.

    All my love,
    Mariah

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    1. Thank you so much, Mariah. I think that's incredibly sound advice :)

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  21. I feel like you wrote the words I have been trying to express. Our situations are so similar its crazy. I have no advice, as I feel just the way you do, but I guess it helps to know we aren't alone out there. xoxx

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    1. Oh, I am so so sorry you are going through a similar situation. I wish I had better advice to give, but it absolutely does help to know you aren't alone. Keeping busy was necessary at first, and eventually you'll be strong enough to face it head-on. Sending love and hugs your way.

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  22. Cheer up Sammi :)
    Reading your blog I feel like your personality is cheerful and happy and I have no doubt that you make others around you happy as well. Being sad doesn't suit you, besides it's his loss. I'm sure that there is someone out there whose been looking just for you to love with all their heart. In meantime keep smiling, you never know when you'll meet the one and you want to make sure they see your killer smile :)

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    1. I appreciate your comment, but I think you missed the entire point of this post. My obligation here is to be completely honest -- not to put on a façade just because "being sad doesn't suit [me]." I do enough of putting on a smile in everyday life without someone -- especially someone who does not know me at all and with whom I have never interacted -- instructing me to do so. I am focused on myself right now, and not on whoever may or may not be around the corner. I think there is much more power in being vulnerable and honest than there is in faking it. If this isn't the type of post you enjoy reading, feel free to skip over them in the future, rather than trying to reduce my loss to something that can be rectified with making an attempt to "cheer up" and smile more often.

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    2. Sammi, I understand your feelings and I'm not saying that you should put on a "stiff upper lip" and all. It does take time to get over a heart break and I appereciate you sharing your feelings with your readers. I was just encouraging to look towards the future. Perhaps I've been misunderstood be really all I wanted to do was make you feel a little better in you time of sadness, if that makes any sense.

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  23. My heart goes out to your Sammi. You have such a beautiful heart and soul - it makes no sense as to why any guy would treat you so harshly. I went through the same kind of thing a long time back and I wish I would have been so open and honest about it, instead of keeping my emotions to myself. Some days felt like I could barely breathe, let alone keep food down (believe I got down to 99 pounds because I was so depressed and wrecked emotionally) - not good at all. I will say though - that it will surely pass. You are deserving of so much better than this guy, who really sounds like an awful human being. You are strong, brave, and beautiful lady! Sending hugs your way :-) xo Marisa

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  24. This post was absolute perfect timing for me. I, too, am a highly sensitive person and always have been. While I have never experienced this kind of heartbreak from a romantic relationship, I have experienced it several times with friendships. Making friends is incredibly difficult for me and yet genuine friendships are so very vital in my life. Several of my closest friends have moved away in the past, promised to stay in touch, and then forgotten me. Every time it breaks me and every time I'm told by those around me to "cheer up" or "get over it" like it's completely insignificant, as if I could just "move on" from the ones that mean the most to me. Though I have forgiven those girls who were once my best friends, it's still not ok and I don't know if it ever truly will be. Time might soften wounds but it certainly does not heal them, in my experience.

    I have just learned that two of my best friends and their families are moving out of state soon and it has wrecked me emotionally. I hope and pray that it will be different this time, but scrapes and wounds from my past beg to differ.

    So thank you so much for this post, Sammi. Reading it has been a small kind of comfort, knowing that I am not the only one to feel this way. Talking about it might not make the hurt go away, but it does make it a little less of a burden to carry. I with there was something I could say to fix what has happened or the hurt that it caused, but there isn't. Just know that my heart goes out to you.

    xoxo, Alesha

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