Tough Topics: On vulnerability

I'm trying something a little bit different with this post.  For a while now, I've been feeling like I should do some more "real" writing on my blog.  I always write fashion-related commentary, and I usually give small updates about my life, but there are some other, deeper subjects I've been wanting to tackle.  I've tried to make my blog a source of positive energy; I like having it be an escape from reality on some level (which is partially why I don't ever write posts that are fully devoted to my life in the theatre), and I think it's really important not to get bogged down (or bog you all down) with the trials and tribulations of my everyday stresses.  I've said this before, but I never want to come off as a ranting, raving writer.  I've seen it happen with other bloggers, and it's absolutely the quickest way to get me to unfollow people (and generally, I don't even bother with unfollowing!).  At the same time, I do think it's important to have maintain an honest and open line of communication, and I don't want to sugarcoat my life.  It's a fine line to walk, and I'd like to think that I've become pretty aware of this necessary balance and have done a fairly good job of maintaining it.

It's interesting to me that some of my most popular posts have actually been the ones I've written about important losses in my life -- decidedly heart-wrenching stuff.  My top 10 most-read posts include the 3 saddest ones: namely, the posts about my break-up, about my grandma's passing, and about the death of a dear friend.  One of the reasons for the popularity of these posts might be the fact that people who don't normally read my blog (i.e., family members and friends) find their way to these particular ones, but I think it also speaks to the power of vulnerability.  It's an interesting dichotomy.  It takes a lot of courage to write from your soul and show the most fragile parts of ourselves to people you've never met.  There's a huge amount of power that comes from being able to release that heartbreak.  Of course, it doesn't take away the hurt you experience, but being able to put pen to paper (so to speak) is incredibly helpful when trying to sort out your feelings.  I've also been fortunate enough to receive a plethora of kind and supportive comments from my readers, and when you send words out into the void, it's incredibly reassuring to know that you are not alone.

Photo via Modern Girl Blitz

I think it's a pretty common phenomenon for those in my generation to get to know people exclusively online.  We are saturated with technology, which can be both a wonderful and awful thing.  Sometimes it means we don't connect to people as well when we're face-to-face.  But it also gives us an opportunity to make a connection with people we might not otherwise meet.  And when you get the chance to meet those people "for real," it can be a bit scary and intimidating.  In many ways, even though you expose yourself to a bigger and more diversified audience when you post online, it's actually more challenging to do it in person.  There's more pressure.  Much more is on the line.  You can't hide behind your writing.  But it's ultimately really rewarding when you can transfer those internet friendships into real world ones.  When I finally had the opportunity to meet Kristina and Midge this weekend, we did a lot of blog talk.  I don't often get to talk about blogging with people I know, so it was a nice change of pace.  Among other things, we talked a bit about the formats of blogs, and I had mentioned how I don't necessarily feel qualified to speak as an authority on certain topics (and therefore don't include them on my blog).  I think hair and makeup tutorials are great, but frankly, I know only what works on me, and I wouldn't feel comfortable promoting myself as an expert on most beauty topics, even ones I know my readers would find interesting.  Similarly, I am in no way qualified to speak on photography, cooking or crafting DIYs.  As with many things, I learn as I go via trial and error, and I think asserting one's self as an authority on those topics without the skills to back it up is a recipe for disaster.  But I had already been a bit worried that perhaps I do too many outfit posts without enough variety in between, and Kristina kind of confirmed this fear for me.  As a Highly Sensitive Person, I am prone to obsessing and getting defensive about comments such as these; part of me wanted to cite the other types of posts I do ("What about Friday Favorites?!  Blogger interviews?!  Label Love?!"), and analyze it all to death.  But then I stopped and thought about it, and realized that feedback like this is priceless.  It's coming from someone who genuinely likes my blog and my aesthetic, but is still able to give an honest opinion on how to make it better.  I'm the type of person who always wants to grow and learn.  When you stop improving upon your art, you're no longer an artist.  That's not to say that my blog is "art," per se, but it is a creative outlet, and in any creative field, I firmly believe that becoming stagnant is equivalent to death.  And so, I always challenge myself to do more, to continue to put myself out there -- even when it's really uncomfortable and scary -- and to never be truly satisfied.  I suppose this can be exhausting, but I think it's also the only way you can further yourself as a human being (and especially as an artistically-inclined one).

The point of all of this is, I have some ideas for some more writing-based posts.  I always end up gravitating towards alliteration, so for lack of a better title, "Tough Topics" will have to do.  There's been one about self-esteem floating around in my head for a long time, as well as some on creating your own happiness, staying motivated, and the ins and outs of being a Highly Sensitive Person.  My question is this: what do you think?  Is there actually any interest in something like this?  I know a lot of you might come here specifically for quirky, kitschy dresses and petticoats (which, believe me, I understand), and you might not have any interest in anything more than that.  And if that's the case, I don't necessarily want to push for something that won't interest people, though if it's something I'm passionate about, then I think there might be at least a little bit of interest.  Basically, I need your help!  I'd love to have your input on whether or not you think these posts would be well-received.  In addition, if there are other topics that you've wanted to see me write about, or questions you might have, please leave a comment about those, too!  I have some other ideas for different types of posts as well, but this is especially appealing to me right now.  It's wouldn't be an all-the-time occurrence, but I do think there's a need for some variety, and since I feel that writing is a skill I possess, it's better for me to play to my strengths than to try and venture into territory with which I don't feel comfortable (beauty tutorials, recipes and DIYs) or a medium I don't necessarily like (video).  I believe in the importance of vulnerability, and I guess I do feel a need to put myself out there in some way.  So perhaps this is a good way to do that.  And if there isn't any interest... then at least I tried.  There is never any shame in that.  And if anyone tries to tell you otherwise, it comes from a place of fear.  Vulnerability encompasses both being brave and being afraid.  That's what makes it so beautiful.  And so worth the risk.

Thank you for listening & have a beautiful day.

xox Sammi