Monday, April 7, 2014

A taste of honey

Outfit Details:
Bee My Honey Dress: ModCloth (similar here)
Cardigan: Old Navy (similar here)
Jelly flats: ModCloth (similar here)
Hair bow: American Apparel
Belt: from another dress
Spoon ring: Mom's

I haven't worn this dress in a year. I wore it only once last spring, during an outing with my then-boyfriend.  The zipper broke that day, and then soon after, so did our relationship. I've been thinking about it a lot lately (the relationship, not the zipper). I'm not sure whether it's because I'm seeing someone new, or because I'm rehashing things with a mutual friend (and other friends as well), or because the reality of the situation is still settling in for me. It's probably a combination of all three. I yo-yo between seeing everything very clearly in hindsight (as one is wont to do) and being grateful that I'm no longer in that situation, and then missing aspects of our relationship and wondering if I was in the wrong. I caught up with an old friend yesterday, and we talked about how you can come to rationalize just about anything in a relationship. I did a lot of that. My ex probably did, too. We convinced ourselves that we were supposed to spend our lives together, and I really never questioned it. There's a small part of me that still wonders about it. I know ultimately that I am better off now, but I have been thinking a lot about whether or not there is even someone out there who is better-suited for me.

I have never wanted to be cynical; I believe in vulnerability and beauty and true love and joy. I think I need to stop sweeping my feelings under the rug, and just allow myself to feel the way I do. Avoidance helps for a while, but you can't live your life that way. Long story short, this is why I decided to wear this dress again. Yes, it's associated with my lost love... yes, it's painful to think about the fact that he is not in my life anymore... but I will never get to a better place with any of this if I don't challenge myself. I want to move forward in my life. It's strange that a piece of clothing could symbolize that for me... but then again, maybe it's not so strange. Though I didn't manage to mend the relationship, I did mend the zipper by myself. And it's also up to me to mend my heart. No one else can do that for me. I've never been good at letting go of situations or people. But I'm tired of carrying it around with me. I guess admitting all this is the first step to freeing myself of it. I consider myself to be a genuinely happy person, most of the time, but like I said in my last post, I would say that I'm struggling a bit at the moment. Thank you all for allowing me to express this, and for listening. I want my blog to be a positive place, but even more than that, I want it to be an honest one. I do love a healthy dose of fantasy in both my sense of style and my chosen career, but I can't play pretend all the time. I know this isn't the typical escapist copy that I write, so I truly appreciate anyone who has actually read all this, and those who are willing to keep reading. 

In closing, I am hopeful. I know I'll figure it out eventually. It's just going to take some time.

Have a beautiful Monday.
xox Sammi


  1. Awwwwww! It's funny the things we "associate" with love. I completely hear ya! I love this dress and I can't believe there is still snow there! Gah! I'm co-hosting a link up on my bloggy today if you'd like to join in!

  2. Well said, Sammi! It is crazy how things are associated with events/periods in our lives. Love the bee print!

  3. hey man, I'm glad you're being honest! If we were happy all the time well... well... then happy wouldn't be a word! Bad arguement, but it's okay to not always be 100%. The fact that you try is impressive enough to me. :)

    You look bee-you-tee-ful in this bee print dress. Yellow is so exciting!

  4. There is nothing wrong with feeling the way you do. Everyone has their own way of grieving and some people take longer than others. I'm glad you're being honest with yourself and facing this head on. You're going to feel so much better in the future! That being said, I looooove this bee dress! It definitely deserves more of a rotation in your closet. It will be so perfect for summer too!

  5. Thank-you so much for sharing that with all of us readers! I can totally relate to you and i completely understand how you feel. I really can see how happy and positive you are through this difficult time, and that right there is strength! This was such an inspiration to read!

  6. I was the exact same way, I associated bad experiences with what I wore, the memories from wearing that item... Good for you for moving past that, and seeing such a positive outcome from mending that zipper, which also represented a bad time in your life. You are the only person who can mend your heart, and you're doing a fine job of it, living each day, and letting new people in to your heart.
    Not all relationships can be mended, not all should be mended, but it's so important to learn from them and learn acceptance.
    And I can't believe you're in the snow in little flats!! Your toesies must be freezing!!

  7. You have always so inspiring and original outfits. Great job.


  8. Great post.

    You are moving forward. There is someone out there better suited for you and you will just ~click~. It may not be in the same way with your past relationship. It may be different or similar but better. Change is difficult and you'll definitely get there with taking baby steps on letting go.

  9. I have this dress too and only worn it once, I love bees. :) And damn I'm going through the same thing. I try to keep myself busy but the problem with being dumped by someone you had everything in common with is that they are harder to not think about...moving forward is so difficult, especially when you feel like time is moving so slowly :( ...good luck

  10. Very brave of you to write about this- to really be thinking like this too,if it comes to that.

    Yes, there is someone out there even better suited; I'm sure.

    Also- I'm glad you reclaimed this dress because you are cute as a button in this!

  11. This was beautiful to read. I love your honesty with yourself and your positivity, even when dealing with such heavy emotions and conflicting feelings. I hope you will continue to address your feelings, like you said, and know that there are many people willing to listen. As always, you look beautiful in these photos <3

  12. Ah I really wanted to get that dress but couldn't manage the splurge! Thank you for sharing something so personal. Breakups can be so tough!

  13. That dress is so beautiful - I admired it for ages and then decided against it since I do have a lot of halternecks in my wardrobe! I would love to find myself a dress with a bee print :3

    I'm glad that you are starting to slowly pick up the pieces after your break up. Sometimes its good to take it easy and just let things happen as they do, don't spend too much time dwelling on the past or stressing about the future because that can be crippling and counter productive.

  14. Goodness, do I love this bee-utiful dress! It's sweet, fun, sunny and just so darn cute!

    ♥ Jessica


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