#iamunique

By now, a lot of you are probably familiar with Unique Vintage's #iamunique campaign.  I've been a big fan of Unique Vintage for a few years now, and I'm 100% behind any company that takes such measures to make their customers happy and to create such a celebratory, inclusive environment for them.  Unique Vintage recently reached out to me to become an ambassador for this campaign and write a little bit about what makes me unique.  I'm certainly not what one would call "conventional."  I'm a highly-sensitive Jewish only child with '80s rockstar parents and a flair for the dramatic.  I'm a musical-theatre-loving grammar nerd who never stopped playing dress-up.  I'm a natural introvert who has chosen to pursue a career in a creative field known for its competitive nature.  My fashion sense is a mishmosh of eras, cultures and styles.  And though it can be a struggle, I am learning how to love who I am a little bit more every day.

I was never considered to be a beauty.  My weight is forever fluctuating.  My face is very round and riddled with acne scars.  I am too tall, too curvy, too ethnically-ambiguous for some.  I've been rejected both personally and professionally for how I look.  Having to think of yourself as a "type" can really mess with your head.  I distinctly remember an acting class in college in which we did an exercise centered around type.  (For those not familiar with the term, this refers to the kind of roles an actor can typically play; for example, the broad categories include leading men/ladies and character roles, but there are many subcategories).  We had to go around in a circle and state the adjectives that came to mind for each person in the class.  Out of several girls in the class, I was the only one who didn't receive any positive comments in relation to her looks.  The other girls heard words like "beautiful," "sexy," and "pretty."  I, on the other hand, got comments like "intelligent," "maternal," and "nurturing."  At the time, I was devastated.  I was glad to be thought of as smart and comforting, but those were things I already knew to be true.  I desperately wanted to be referred to as "gorgeous" and "cute" like everyone else -- mostly because I didn't believe those things about myself.  I was always cast as caring mothers and kooky best friends.  I had an agent for a short time who wanted to send me out only for roles that contained the word "overweight" in the character descriptions.  I had a voice teacher who referred to me as "a big girl" in almost every lesson.  My confidence was understandably at an all-time low, and I would avoid going to auditions because I believed they would never cast someone my size.  I ended up losing a considerable amount of weight (though I've gained some back), and I grew into my looks.  I've since played roles outside those strict confines and have learned so much about myself and what I'm capable of.  I fell in love with someone who finally made me believe I was beautiful.  I had my heart broken and realized that I couldn't rely on someone else to create and maintain my self-esteem.  I've made a lot of mistakes along the way, but I've figured out what brings me joy and what makes me feel good about myself.  And I understand now that all of those things I used to see as flaws -- my weight, my body, my facial features, my skin, my height -- are what make me special.  I don't look like everyone else.  That's something that I used to hate in high school and college, when all I wanted was to be accepted and loved.  But I've since come to the conclusion that those feelings of acceptance and love have to come from within.  I'm still figuring out how to love myself unconditionally, and of course, I have days where I don't like what I see in the mirror.  But most of the time, I love what I am.  I am different.  I am feminine.  I am pretty.  I am exotic.  I am talented, smart, sensitive and silly.  And #iamunique.

One might assume that starting a style blog -- which involves publishing hundreds photographs of yourself to the internet at large and opening yourself up to constant scrutiny -- would be a recipe for disaster for someone with ever-faltering self-esteem.  When you have any kind of internet presence, there will inevitably be people who don't like you or the way you look.  If you are unique, there will be people who post mean things about you.  If you dare to be different and think outside the box, there are going to be those who will attempt to squash your enthusiasm and individuality.  And I've certainly run into that.  But I've actually gained an incredible amount of confidence from my blogging ventures.  I feel constantly inspired and creatively-fulfilled.  Although I have often struggled with my weight, I have learned to like how my body looks in my outfits and I dress in a way that brings me joy.  I've received an incredible amount of support and encouragement from people I've never even met.  I've come to appreciate traits about myself that I always took for granted, and I've learned the value of attributes that I had previously thought of as weaknesses (like my high level of sensitivity).  In many ways, I've found myself through fashion.  Being able to celebrate my unique look, personality and sense of style through my blog has been such a fantastic and unexpected gift.  It's ironic that something that's viewed as entirely superficial is the very thing that's given me a much deeper appreciation of who I am at my core.  I'm far from perfect and always will be, but that doesn't mean I shouldn't love who I am and where I am at this moment.

I also love the fact that my style doesn't fall into one definable category, because I often feel like a walking contradiction.  In theatre school, one of the most valuable lessons I learned was to keep what works for me and throw out what doesn't, and I think I've incorporated the same approach into my personal aesthetic.  A friend of mine once asked how I would define my fashion sense, and I wasn't sure how to answer him.  It's a big mix of retro-vintage-girly-whimsical-kitsch with some ethereal-cartoon-street-fashion-costume-shop thrown in.  I don't like the idea of feeling boxed in when it comes to a lot of things, and that's especially true when it comes to what I wear.  I have certain silhouettes I gravitate towards because they emphasize what I like about my body, and I have certain colors I love because they look good on me.  But as far as a certain style?  I guess I just like what I like!  Who says I can't wear a dress and petticoat one day and a flannel button-down and sneakers the next?  I don't think I should have to change what I'm drawn to just because it doesn't exactly fit into one restrictive definition of how to dress.  And so my closet is a hodgepodge of everything from pinup to punk to period film.  I love that I have so many different types of pieces because it allows me to feel like I'm playing dress-up every day!  I suppose I never grew out of my love for playing pretend, which explains both my wardrobe and my chosen profession.  I keep an eye out for pieces that are as special as I am, and when I'm wearing something I love, I know that it shines through in how I carry myself.  I know my sense of style isn't for everyone, and that's okay -- but it suits me just fine, and it's truly one of my favorite things about myself.

Ultimately, I know that I am not defined by my physical appearance.  My look is absolutely a part of who I am, but it's assuredly not all that matters to me or anyone else -- nor is it the only thing that makes me unique.  Maybe the reason no one said I was beautiful in that acting class wasn't because I was somehow wholly unattractive (like I thought at the time), but was in fact because I am more than that.  I may never be cast as the stunning ingenue or the gorgeous sexpot, but that doesn't negate the fact that I am beautiful and desirable in my own unique way -- a way that extends beyond the physical.  Just like my style may not be everyone's cup of tea, I know that my look and personality might not attract everyone.  But now I know that the only thing that really matters is that I love them.  I'm learning to love all the wonderful ways in which #iamunique, and I hope the same for all of you.  <3

Have a wonderful Wednesday!
xox Sammi