Tuesday, August 26, 2014

Tough Topics: On vulnerability


I'm trying something a little bit different with this post.  For a while now, I've been feeling like I should do some more "real" writing on my blog.  I always write fashion-related commentary, and I usually give small updates about my life, but there are some other, deeper subjects I've been wanting to tackle.  I've tried to make my blog a source of positive energy; I like having it be an escape from reality on some level (which is partially why I don't ever write posts that are fully devoted to my life in the theatre), and I think it's really important not to get bogged down (or bog you all down) with the trials and tribulations of my everyday stresses.  I've said this before, but I never want to come off as a ranting, raving writer.  I've seen it happen with other bloggers, and it's absolutely the quickest way to get me to unfollow people (and generally, I don't even bother with unfollowing!).  At the same time, I do think it's important to have maintain an honest and open line of communication, and I don't want to sugarcoat my life.  It's a fine line to walk, and I'd like to think that I've become pretty aware of this necessary balance and have done a fairly good job of maintaining it.

It's interesting to me that some of my most popular posts have actually been the ones I've written about important losses in my life -- decidedly heart-wrenching stuff.  My top 10 most-read posts include the 3 saddest ones: namely, the posts about my break-up, about my grandma's passing, and about the death of a dear friend.  One of the reasons for the popularity of these posts might be the fact that people who don't normally read my blog (i.e., family members and friends) find their way to these particular ones, but I think it also speaks to the power of vulnerability.  It's an interesting dichotomy.  It takes a lot of courage to write from your soul and show the most fragile parts of ourselves to people you've never met.  There's a huge amount of power that comes from being able to release that heartbreak.  Of course, it doesn't take away the hurt you experience, but being able to put pen to paper (so to speak) is incredibly helpful when trying to sort out your feelings.  I've also been fortunate enough to receive a plethora of kind and supportive comments from my readers, and when you send words out into the void, it's incredibly reassuring to know that you are not alone.

Photo via Modern Girl Blitz
I think it's a pretty common phenomenon for those in my generation to get to know people exclusively online.  We are saturated with technology, which can be both a wonderful and awful thing.  Sometimes it means we don't connect to people as well when we're face-to-face.  But it also gives us an opportunity to make a connection with people we might not otherwise meet.  And when you get the chance to meet those people "for real," it can be a bit scary and intimidating.  In many ways, even though you expose yourself to a bigger and more diversified audience when you post online, it's actually more challenging to do it in person.  There's more pressure.  Much more is on the line.  You can't hide behind your writing.  But it's ultimately really rewarding when you can transfer those internet friendships into real world ones.  When I finally had the opportunity to meet Kristina and Midge this weekend, we did a lot of blog talk.  I don't often get to talk about blogging with people I know, so it was a nice change of pace.  Among other things, we talked a bit about the formats of blogs, and I had mentioned how I don't necessarily feel qualified to speak as an authority on certain topics (and therefore don't include them on my blog).  I think hair and makeup tutorials are great, but frankly, I know only what works on me, and I wouldn't feel comfortable promoting myself as an expert on most beauty topics, even ones I know my readers would find interesting.  Similarly, I am in no way qualified to speak on photography, cooking or crafting DIYs.  As with many things, I learn as I go via trial and error, and I think asserting one's self as an authority on those topics without the skills to back it up is a recipe for disaster.  But I had already been a bit worried that perhaps I do too many outfit posts without enough variety in between, and Kristina kind of confirmed this fear for me.  As a Highly Sensitive Person, I am prone to obsessing and getting defensive about comments such as these; part of me wanted to cite the other types of posts I do ("What about Friday Favorites?!  Blogger interviews?!  Label Love?!"), and analyze it all to death.  But then I stopped and thought about it, and realized that feedback like this is priceless.  It's coming from someone who genuinely likes my blog and my aesthetic, but is still able to give an honest opinion on how to make it better.  I'm the type of person who always wants to grow and learn.  When you stop improving upon your art, you're no longer an artist.  That's not to say that my blog is "art," per se, but it is a creative outlet, and in any creative field, I firmly believe that becoming stagnant is equivalent to death.  And so, I always challenge myself to do more, to continue to put myself out there -- even when it's really uncomfortable and scary -- and to never be truly satisfied.  I suppose this can be exhausting, but I think it's also the only way you can further yourself as a human being (and especially as an artistically-inclined one).


The point of all of this is, I have some ideas for some more writing-based posts.  I always end up gravitating towards alliteration, so for lack of a better title, "Tough Topics" will have to do.  There's been one about self-esteem floating around in my head for a long time, as well as some on creating your own happiness, staying motivated, and the ins and outs of being a Highly Sensitive Person.  My question is this: what do you think?  Is there actually any interest in something like this?  I know a lot of you might come here specifically for quirky, kitschy dresses and petticoats (which, believe me, I understand), and you might not have any interest in anything more than that.  And if that's the case, I don't necessarily want to push for something that won't interest people, though if it's something I'm passionate about, then I think there might be at least a little bit of interest.  Basically, I need your help!  I'd love to have your input on whether or not you think these posts would be well-received.  In addition, if there are other topics that you've wanted to see me write about, or questions you might have, please leave a comment about those, too!  I have some other ideas for different types of posts as well, but this is especially appealing to me right now.  It's wouldn't be an all-the-time occurrence, but I do think there's a need for some variety, and since I feel that writing is a skill I possess, it's better for me to play to my strengths than to try and venture into territory with which I don't feel comfortable (beauty tutorials, recipes and DIYs) or a medium I don't necessarily like (video).  I believe in the importance of vulnerability, and I guess I do feel a need to put myself out there in some way.  So perhaps this is a good way to do that.  And if there isn't any interest... then at least I tried.  There is never any shame in that.  And if anyone tries to tell you otherwise, it comes from a place of fear.  Vulnerability encompasses both being brave and being afraid.  That's what makes it so beautiful.  And so worth the risk.

Thank you for listening & have a beautiful day.
xox Sammi  

17 comments:

  1. Honestly, lady: Write about whatever you want to write about. I'm certain people will enjoy and connect/engage with whatever you have to say. And for the people who are only here for the outfits (no judgment!), they can just skip over the other posts.

    You do you!

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  2. ohmygosh, I did not mean to sound critical, I love all those other posts and your outfit posts! My biggest criticism toward myself is that I need more outfit posts and I've always admired your commitment to them. You are an awesome writer though and it's totally brave to put yourself out there. I can't wait to hear more!

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    1. No no, I know you didn't! I so appreciate your honesty about it!! <3

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  3. I love your blog Sammi- It was one of the inspirations for me to actually start doing outfits on mine, and I honestly think that you should do what YOU want to do. You shouldn't feel obliged to do something that isn't you, or that you wouldn't feel comfortable with. Do what makes you happy! :) I also totally agree with A Wild Tonic- if people don't like a post they can skip over it.

    cocobirdy.blogspot.com

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  4. Write what you want to write, and don't worry what anyone thinks. If you want to write about petticoats and outfits, then do it. If you want to write more real stuff, then do it. This is YOUR blog. I personally enjoy when people don't just write about their outfits. Of course I love outfit posts and hearing about interesting things about the clothing or the reasoning behind an outfit, but I also like to hear that there's a person there too with more depth. I was always a writer first, so I think I appreciate blogs and general writings more when there is a good amount of substance.

    I analyze myself too sometimes. I don't really like to just write about my outfit, though I've probably been guilty of it. Some days you just don't have much to say. But I like to give the reader more than that, and I like to write about more than that. I like to write about what I'm feeling, doing, planning, thinking. We are all humans and it's interesting to learn more about the girl behind the petticoats than the actual petticoats themselves. ;)

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  5. Personally, I don't think you do too many outfit posts. You have an aesthetic that is so well defined and I love seeing that and I love hearing about your daily life, which you write about to accompany that. Yours is a favorite to read for these reasons.

    That said, I am curious to see what this new, um, series or whatever, would look like and enjoy reading them too. Like Sara, I think you should write what you want to write. It can be hard because you want your blog to be relevant (and you're right an outside perspective is SO helpful sometimes), but you also know how you're growing and changing as a person and how your blog should reflect that.

    Basically, I love the outfit posts and am curious as to what these other posts would be like.

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  6. ahh I love blogger meet ups! It's so fun! Your blog is yours- I suggest you do whatever you're best at and have fun with. Don't cater to other people's needs more than your own- if your blog is outfit posts that's ok, too. I don't mind- I just want your blog to make you happy :)

    love, polly
    pollybland.com

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  7. I think you should write whatever the heck feels right to you! Ultimately, we continue to visit your blog because it's so very you, so please keep doing whatever you feel like represents that! If that's an outfit post, awesome! You put together absolutely beautiful outfits (and that's what caught my attention on your blog in the first place). But, you are also a wonderful writer, as evidenced by this post, the ones you linked here, and so many others. So if you feel like writing, I know I would love to read what you have to say!

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  8. I always appreciate when bloggers are open and honest and talk about their real life, the good and the bad. The pressure on women to have it all, be it all, and always be on "happy" all the time is impossible and exhausting. I think any time a woman can use a platform, like a blog, to talk about shitty stuff out in the open it is a victory for women in general. It showcases that there is more side to us to Barbie Doll.

    I am actually turned off of blogs when they only post about constantly happy things. It makes me feel like they are faking it for the rest of the world, a quality I really do not admire. It actually makes me a little sad that you would unfollow someone who was having a hard time in life and choose to express it on their blog.

    love,
    a

    www.missdecaf.blogspot.com

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    1. I wrote a really long reply to you and it got deleted, so apparently we're both having issues, haha. But in short, just to be clear: I wouldn't unfollow someone simply because they were having a hard time and chose to express it on their blog! I've done that many times, and I absolutely think it's healthy. What I was referring to was more of a specific situation where a former fashion blog turned into a series of angry rants out of nowhere. It's one thing if you've purposely changed your blog's POV (which you did, and I think you do a great job with your writing), but it's another story if someone starts suddenly treating their public blog as a private journal. I think it's important to be honest with your readers, and I've been very honest about a lot of the struggles I'm going through, but since I'm generally a positive person, I try to put a positive spin on it -- more for myself than for anyone else. It's a bit of a balancing act, and I understand your point. I would never want to come across as fake, and I hope I haven't been. All I was trying to say is that I personally am not inclined to read post after post of angry rants, and although writing should be a catharsis, I don't necessarily want to invite someone else's anger into my life.

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  9. AAAAAAAANNND my comment was published before I was done because the internet hates me. So I'll continue. XD I MEANT TO ADD --

    .... For the past couple months I've gone through some ups and downs in friendships that actually affected me pretty deeply, and the fallout from said friend-explosion also made me very upset. I wanted to write about those things as a healing. I think writing about hard stuff is healthy because it offers a different perspective and allows you to get emotions off your chest in a non-violent way. But that's just my opinion. I'm super good at angry blogging so I'm a little bit biased. XD

    But, like, everyone else has said, it's your blog and you do what you want with it, dearie. Basically you're the boss. :)

    (signing off for real this time)

    love,
    a

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  10. I'd personally love to read more of your writing. I used to do a lot more posts on personal topics and my opinions on certain issues, but I eventually stopped because people didn't really seem to care about what I was writing and only seemed to want to see hair and outfit posts. But, I think you're right. Variety is a good thing, and outfit post after outfit post could get a bit repetitive and something different could be helpful to throw into the mix (not that I don't enjoy seeing your outfit posts, though!) I think I'm going to follow your example and try and shake it up a bit as well (:

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  11. I always like it when blogs address issues like self esteem or body image or the more difficult subjects. I think that it can be really helpful for the readers out there who are struggling with the same issues to realize that they're not alone. It can also take a lot of courage too - I know that sometimes it makes me nervous to put myself out there like that, and if I'm writing about politics or social justice, sometimes there's blowback from people who disagree with you. But I think overall, that vulnerability you talk about is a great thing, and a really appealing thing to me as a reader.

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  12. Incredibly wise, spot on words, dear Sammi. You are a soulful, excellent writer and have a very good knack for transmitting your feelings on highly personal/deep subjects without veering into (what some might perceive as) "whining or ranting territory". It's awesome that you want to share more about yourself with us on your blog (that's something I've been consciously working at doing online in the last couple of years in particular). I really look forward to reading such posts and getting to know you even better.

    ♥ Jessica

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  13. What a wonderful post, and it's always touching to read more into a person's life, so I'm always supportive of these kinds of posts! But I am also of the notion that this is YOUR blog, and you can do whatever it is you want with it!

    xoxo
    -Janey

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  14. I honestly enjoy style bloggers who can write about what they are passionate about (like Annika for example) as well as feature fashion. But at the end of the day, this is YOUR blog and you should use it how you want. You have an excellent wardrobe and an admirable dedication to outfit posts (seriously girl I'm always astounded/impressed with how much you post,) but if you also feel like you have a voice-then use it. I relate too much to what you talked about in regards to hiding behind a screen. I don't know if I'm quite ~there~ yet, but you definitely have such valuable words to share that I know others, like myself, would appreciate. & As much as you may not want to be negative, I also enjoy the honesty and insight that can be shared after painful or difficult moments. You are a talented lady and I look forward to following along with your posts <3

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